Transcript:Tangled Web
Jack: You know this is a Showdown, right Kimiko? Kimiko: You know those boots make you look like a dweeb, right Jack? Jack: So not the case. These Shen Gong Wu, the Jetbootsu, allow me to defy gravity. Might as well say bye-bye to the Monkey Staff, 'cause that one's as good as mine too. Kimiko: You wish! Fist of Tebigong! RUMBLING Jack: Oh, like that's gonna work. I can defy gravity, remember? Kimiko: Whoa!Oh! Jack: Classic miscalculation. Your hot little head has ensured your defeat. Kimiko: SCREAMS Aw, man! Jack: Check it and weep, baby! Jack:The Fist of Tebigong is mine! The Jetbootsu are mine! Hey, what's this? The Monkey Staff is mine too. I have the agility and the balance of a monkey. Hey, and a really cool tail. [ ] Dojo: Brrrrr. This water's cold. I'm telling' ya. I don't know how my cousin Nessie stands living here. 'Course, if you ask me, she likes all the attention. "Hey Look, it's the Loch Ness Monster." Irish Man: Hey look, it's the Lock Ness Monster! Dojo: See. Omi: Oh, Kimiko, please, do not feel sad. Kimiko: Don't! And I don't need your pity either. Omi: I was merely going to point out that you could not not expect to do better, as you are a girl. Kimiko: Pardon me? Omi: Since we met, I have been studying all about girls from this eleventh century tome. Kimiko: The Ancient Guide to Females. Omi: Yes. It tells us that your talents lie elsewhere. In the kitchen, for example. Clay: Don't be so hard on Kimiko. She was just trying' to do her level best. Which was pretty good considering'. Kimiko: Considering what?! Clay: Considerin' you're such a hot-head. Omi: I believe her failure is due to her lack of upper-body strength. Kimiko: I'll show you upper body strength! Raimundo: Look out, she might use her slip-and-fall move on you. All: Whoa! Dojo: Shen Gong Wu alert! Raimundo: What do we got? Omi: Ah, the Tangle Web Comb. Kimiko: Cool! What does it do? Raimundo: Oh, man, that's hairy. Clay: Well let's quit dilly dallyin' and go get it. Dojo: No where to go. It's here, baby. Omi: Here? Kimiko: As in right here? Dojo: That's what "here" traditionally means. Right here! Kimiko: This one's all mine. Raimundo: Kim's right. It should definitely be hers. She has to replace the one she just lost. Kimiko: GROWLS Raimundo: Sorry, I mean the two she just lost. Omi: Do girls know how to swim? Kimiko: Got it. [ ] Raimundo: It's a . . . comb. Cute. Clay: I think it's great you found a comb, Kimiko. Omi: Oh, yes. Accessorizing is within your talents as a female. Kimiko: Ugh. Stand back and prepare to be impressed. Tangle Web Comb! Oh yeah, I am so- in trouble! Ah! Hey! Clay: Um. I don't think she's usin' it right. Raimundo: You guys wanna go look through Kimiko's stuff? Omi: Oh I have never looked through a girl's stuff before. This shall be enlightening. Kimiko: Hey! Touch my stuff and I'll- GRUNTING Master Fung: Kimiko, are you in need of assistance? Kimiko: No. I just need to practice. Master Fung: Yes, the Tangle Web Comb is a difficult Shen Gong Wu to master. It requires absolute focus. Kimiko: I am so all about absolute focus. And I never met an accessory I couldn't handle! Master Fung: Mhm. I see. Kimiko: Whoa! Uh, Thanks. But there's something wrong with that stupid comb. I was totally focused. Master Fung: Is that so? Then please demonstrate your tremendous focus. Kimiko: How? [ ] Master Fung: Pour some tea. Kimiko: Is this a joke? Master Fung: It requires absolute focus to successfully pour tea from that pot into those cups without spilling a single drop. Kimiko:All right, but this is a serious waste of time. GRUNTS See? Totally focused. Omi: Yuck! This candy is most unpleasant. Raimundo: That's 'cause it's lipstick. Oops, I think I deleted something. Kimiko: That's my lipstick, and my PDA! Master Fung: Keep pouring, Kimiko. Raimundo: Look guys, Kimiko's serving up tea. Omi: Ah, the traditional female role. Clay: Tea sure would hit the spot right about now. Raimundo: Are you making cookies? We could use cookies or something. Kimiko: GROWLS Omi: Oh yes, something tastier than this. Kimiko: Master Fung! Master Fung: Keep pouring. Kimiko: But- Master Fung: You must drown out all distractions, quiet the storm of your mind. Only then will you achieve absolute focus. Kimiko: GRUNTING Oops. The next one will be perfect. Omi: I am very surprised that Kimiko can lift such a heavy pot with her delicate female arms. Kimiko: What?! Ah! GASPS SHATTERING Kimiko: MOANS Raimundo: Want to bet chores on when Kimiko will find her focus? This century or next? [ ] Jack: I'm loving this! I have a tail. SWISHING Jack:See? I'm happy. Look at me, I'm a monkey in a tree! Wuya: We have world domination to plan. Jack: What's the point of world domination if you can't have a little fun? LAUGHTER Jack: Keep it down up there! I hate when my parents have parties. Wuya: Drop the Monkey Staff! The longer you hold it, the more monkey-like you will become. Jack: I don't see it. Alarm: Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Ashley Excuse me. LAUGHS Sorry, I didn't know anybody was down here. Jack: What do you want? Ashley: Ugh, trying to get away from the party. Boring. Jack: Standard for my folks' parties. Stop fest a go-go Ashley: So, are you Jack? The kid they're all talkin' about upstairs? Jack: They're talking about me? What are they saying? Are they calling me a genius? Ashley:More like weirdo Jack: Weirdo? What's so weird about me? NOISES Jack: Oh, my monkey strength. Hey! Stop touching! Ashley:You know, this screams evil lair of a super villain intent on taking over the world. Jack: Really? Ashley: Yeah, I like. Wuya: Indeed? What an intriguing young woman. Jack: SHRIEK Out! Ashley: All right, all right. You don't have to shriek. Monkey-faced freak. Jack: Yeah, a monkey-faced freak who takes care of business. Wuya: If only you could deal with the Xiaolin warriors as effectively we wouldn't- Jack: SCREECH Wuya: I am sensing a new Shen Gong Wu. The Golden Tiger Claws. Jack: Golden Tiger Claws? Golden Tiger Claws? What're the Golden Tiger Claws? Wuya: Tiger claws made of gold. Jack: And? And? Spill it woman! Wuya: Whoever wields them can transport themselves to any location they choose. We must retrieve them. With the Tiger Claws in our arsenal, we shall be invincible! Jack: Think I can get a tire swing installed in here? [ ] Omi: The Golden Tiger Claws are inside that palace? Dojo: Tht's what this rash is telling me. Wonder if there's an ointment for this. Raimundo: How do we get in there? Clay: Maybe if we knock on the door and ask real nice like? Dojo: That's the emperor's palace, they don't just let anybody in there, we need connections. Kimiko: Oh, no worries. I'll call my dad. Dojo: Uh-huh. Kimiko: Moshi-moshi papa, Kimiko, yeah. I need a few invites to the emperor's palace. No way. Not going to happen, no. Not in this lifetime. Really? Do I have to? All right, all right. Raimundo: Well? Kimiko: We're in, but there's a catch. [ ] Raimundo: LAUGHS Kimiko: Shut it. Omi: I think Kimiko's clothing is most appropriate. She at last resembles a girl. Clay: Where're your formal duds, Omi? Omi: These are my formal robes, Clay. The thread count is slightly higher. Notice the exquisite sheen. Kimiko: Let's find these Tiger Claws and bail. Raimundo: Are you planning on walking three steps behind us? Kimiko: No, I plan on leaving you in my dust. Raimundo: Be careful or you might… Kimiko: Whoa! Raimundo: …fall. Need a hand? Kimiko: What I need is for you to get out of my way. Stupid kimono. Focus. You can do this. Focus. Raimundo: Kim's looking wobbly. Anybody want to double our bet? Two weeks of chores? Kimiko: Focus. [ ] Kimiko: Any sign of the claws? Omi: These are lion claws, very similar. Raimundo: But no dice. Omi: Oh, dice. Are we looking for dice too? Raimundo: SIGH Clay: Nothin' here but dust bunnies. Dojo: SNIFFS I know it's down here somewhere. But more down than here. Kimiko: Look, there's a door. MOANING Omi: A staircase into the darkness, how very- Clay: Creepy? Omi: Yes. Raimundo: After you, Kimiko, unless you're scared. Omi: Oh, yes, females are easily frightened. Kimiko: You're lucky you're cute, Omi. [ ] Kimiko: Can anyone see anything? MOANING Kimiko: What's that moaning? Wuya: Quit your incessant moaning and get the Tiger Claws you fool. Jack: Can't help it. I'm banana-nausiated. Kimiko: It's Jack! And he's headed towards GASPS the Tiger Claws! Jack: I so don't need this right now. Jack-Bots, get rid of them! Now. And get me some ginger ale. Jack-Bot: Yes, sir. Jack: BURPS Thanks. You can crush them now. Omi: Water! Ah-cha! Clay: Earth! Thanks for droppin' by, or just droppin' Raimundo: Wind! Wuya: Why do you built these stupid machines? They are useless! Jack: Mom said I needed a hobby. BURPS That's better. Now for the Claws! SHRIEKS Kimiko: Not so fast, Jack! Fire! Ha! Jack: Sweet. Kimiko, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown. Kimiko: Name your game, Jack. Jack: A race across the bridges. First one over wins. What do you say Kimiko? Kimiko: I say let's go. Xiaolin Showdown. [ RUMBLING] Both: Gong yi tan pai! Jack: SHRIEKS Kimiko: GROWLS Might be better if I was wearing high-tops. Dojo: Get in the game girl! Raimundo: Anyone want to double our little wager again? Omi? Clay? Both: Okay. Jack: SHRIEKING Whoo hoo hoo. This is too easy. RUMBLING Jack: Woah. Oh. Ah. Kimiko: SCREAMS Jack: That's a good look for you. LAUGHS Kimiko: Stupid showdown. Jack: SHRIEKING Hey, what's keeping you? Kimiko: GROWLING PANTING Jack: It helps if you don't fall on your butt. LAUGHS HOWLS Kimiko: Tangle Web Comb! Jack: SHRIEKING Kimiko: Yes! SHRIEKING Kimiko: Uh-oh! Jack: LAUGHING Kimiko: No! Let me go you stupid- MUMBLING Jack: LAUGHING SHRIEKING Kimiko: SCREAMING Master Fung: You must drown out all distractions. Calm the storm of your mind. Only then will you achieve absolute focus. Jack: The Tiger Claws are mine! SHRIEKS Hey! SCREMS Kimiko: It worked! Jack: Big deal, you got the Monkey Staff. Omi: She has achieved absolute focus. Jack: Too bad I'm only one small step- Whoa! No! Kimiko: LAUGHS Whoo hoo! Jack: YELLING Raimundo: Told you she would. Clay: Looks like you win the bet partner. Raimundo: I never doubted her for a second. Omi: We shall do all your chores for the next week. Raimundo: For the next four weeks. We doubled. Twice, remember? Omi: Actually, I was hoping you would forget. Kimiko: How you like me now? Raimundo: Good job. Clay: You whooped old Jack butt good. Omi: Kimiko, you have taught me much about the strength of women. I now completely understand the modern female. Kimiko: Let's just say you've made a step in the right direction. Which is good. I'm hoping to get a little more respect around here. Raimundo: You got it monkey butt. LAUGHS Clay: LAUGHING Kimiko: GASPS Omi: Girls have tails? [ ] Wuya: I cannot believe your incompetence. You lost yet another Xiaolin Showdown. Jack: Couldn't help it. I had bananas and tire swings on my mind. Wuya: More importantly, you underestimated your opponent. There must be other competent humans in this realm I could work with. Ashley: I'm your girl. Jack: Crush her! Ashley: NOISES Call me, Katnappe. Meow. Purr. Jack: Evil diva! Wuya: Hmmm she is evil. My dear girl, have you ever heard of the Shen Gong Wu? Category:Transcripts